Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess

Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess
Rigatoni refreshingly accompanied by Chicken Pomodoro, heaped with Meatballs
Comments

So we're two for two on these meatballs being very, very off. We're also two for two on them not causing, at the least, *immediate* death. Will keep you all posted.

Pictured here is Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess - huh.

Day Twenty-Six: Kelsey

Comments

Demeanor -- Taco salad-like: aggressively saucy
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- "I like it a lot. I'll qualify that by saying that I have, like, no standards. But I like it."
Reaction to being offered a refill after her first bowl of pasta -- In order: Bewilderment, disbelief, excitement, beatific serenity with the universe.
Snapshot --

"So," I say, as we walk outside the restaurant, "are you ready for the selfie?"

"Yes!! I know exactly what I'm going to do."

--

Right from the start, I knew there was something different about Kelsey. Maybe it was her laugh, which was not a chuckle or giggle, but a straight-up cackle -- frequently directed at something she had just said. Maybe it was her Tinder profile, which said nothing but "if you don't swipe right i'll kill myself" and made me feel like I was, in my own way, a life-saving hero. Or maybe it was the number of stories she told that started with some variant of "okay, this is going to sound horrible, but..."

I like her a lot.

23 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Audible Moo

Audible Moo

Audible Moo
Chicken Pomodoro ensconced by a handful of Tri Colored Vegetable Penne, crossbred with Meatballs
Comments

I'm not sure if the cows here in California are just more chill or fed on organic grass or something, but this meatball tasted notably different from the 60+ ones I ate last year. It was either very fresh or, more likely, dangerously undercooked. I guess I'll find out tomorrow, when I'm either dead or not dead. Wish me luck!

Pictured here is Audible Moo - 'course I heard of cows, there's a bunch of 'em right over there!

Day Twenty-Five: Heaven

Comments

Demeanor -- Caesar salad-like: always prepared
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- "I always come here for my birthday, but they don't give out free food. :( "
Favorite indie film directors you've probably never heard of -- Neville Rothsberg, Emygdia H. Finn, "The Radish", Miss Quince
Snapshot --

The dinner is over, and as we're preparing to leave, I make a casual, though admittedly snarky, remark about Heaven's inability to finish her first bowl of pasta. She glares.

"You suck. You can put that in your blog."

--

An aspiring filmmaker/silicone manufacturer, Heaven has chosen a challenging career. She has informed me that the most frequently asked question about her line of work is as follows:

"Oh...silicone....Is it for....y'know...*makes jiggling motions at chest-height* boobs?"

If you were curious, the answer is "only sometimes".

24 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Betwixt

Betwixt

Betwixt
Rigatoni tossed with Pesto Alfredo
Comments

In honor of my 25th day, I looked up synonyms for "halfway" in the thesaurus, and found this word, which is a lot of fun. This pasta is also super delicious, even without a topping. Pesto alfredo is so pretty ^_^

Pictured here is Betwixt - 24 more days to go.

Day Twenty-Four: Annette

Comments

Demeanor -- Fruit salad-like: sweet, enjoyable to all ages
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- "Pasta is totally the moon to my werewolf."
Percentage of date spent on Snapchat, Kik, Instagram, and Millienialz™ - The Web App For Today's Youth -- 48%
Snapshot --

Took this literal snapshot of me while I was preparing today's photo.

--

Annette, a biology student from NorCal, is a frisky and excitable young woman who has perfected the art of getting adorably flustered. I asked her to take the selfie for us, since she seemed pretty capable of modern phone technology. She took one while I was fixing my hair and refused to allow any others on the blog, so enjoy my self-absorbed preening.

25 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Cordon Bleu

Cordon Bleu

Cordon Bleu
Chicken Meatballs mixed with Chicken Pomodoro, tossed on a cave, boy! A cave of Mezzaluna Ravioli
Comments

It's funny that such these staples of American-style cooking - meat, cheese, and just enough refined carbs to turn a meal into intestinal library paste - come together in an Italian-style dish with a French-style name. It's also delicious.

Pictured here is Cordon Bleu - ooh la la~

Day Twenty-three: Elise

Comments

Demeanor: Egg salad-like: hard-boiled, smooth
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- "Well, I grew up in an Italian family. So my mom wouldn't approve of this."
Tolerance level of toddler literally screaming three feet away for 40 minutes straight: admirably high
Snapshot:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAA"

"So," I manage to get in while the kid takes a breath, "do you ever want children?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

"Not at this very moment, no."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"

--

Elise is in the process of clawing her way up the ladder of the publishing industry. This is particularly challenging since, as my blog's runaway success conclusively proves, print media is dead. She's the editor of "a line of small food magazines", which I assume means she mostly covers hors d'oeuvres, appetizers, etc.

She didn't ask to feature any of my food photography, probably because she was too starstruck. For the record: I'm available for all forms of selling out.

26 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Pollo Loco

Pollo Loco

Pollo Loco
Tri Colored Vegetable Penne glazed with Chicken Pomodoro, thought-provokingly covered in Chicken Meatballs
Comments

Chicken on chicken?! It's a madhouse! Tricolored penne rounds out this dish and keeps it from being too heavy.

Pictured here is Pollo Loco - ole!

Day Twenty-two: Breanna

Comments

Demeanor: Greek salad-like: simple origins that yield complex results
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- ((realizing that she was served spaghetti, and not the fettucine she ordered)) "This is too much food. This isn't my fault."
Favorite demographic, out of 'children, convicts, or the elderly': Convicts by far
Snapshot:

I sit on my side of the booth, wolfing down my second bowl of ravioli, and watch Breanna work her seductive magic on our hapless waiter. She flirtatiously cons her way into a free "birthday" dessert before my very eyes.

Then, perhaps simply to prove she can, she gets all the waiters to sing for her. I'm amazed. It's like being on a date with a Disney princess.

--

Breanna has a natural charisma that makes her instantly likeable. Her sweetness is not cloying, and her intelligence is not haughty. I truly enjoyed my meal with her, and hope to see her again sometime after my world of pasta has come crumbling down around me.

27 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Stagnant Pond

Stagnant Pond

Stagnant Pond
Mezzaluna Ravioli intriguingly sauced with Pesto Alfredo
Comments

After enough time sitting out, the different specific densities of the ingredients which make up pesto alfredo sauce cause it to naturally split into its component elements. Oil pools on top of alfredo, alfredo slides uselessly off of the slick ravioli. It's simply a poorly thought out combination.

Pictured here is Stagnant Pond - I know it's not an attractive name, but it's not an attractive dish.

Day Twenty-One: Lauren

Comments

Demeanor: Parmigiano-like: complex, though most people only experience a pale imitation
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- *taking a bite, seems surprised* "This is actually delicious."
Number of times she said the phrase "maybe that's why I'm single": Six
Snapshot:

((Lauren has multiple videos of her dog and cat, and jumped at every chance to show them off. They are very cute!))

--

My third Lauren in seven days, this one was determined to stand out. I actually was given her number by Jessica - I think they know each other through work or a mutual cult or something. I couldn't help but notice that she had Tinder up while waiting for our table, which definitely incentivized me to give 110% on this date - clearly, she always kept one eye open. I admire that go-get-'em attitude!

Like Jessica, Lauren works with the mentally disabled, and like Jessica, she didn't laugh when I said that was great experience for her online dating. She's a great person, though, and was a pleasure to dine with.

28 more dates to go.

Today's pasta was
Gumby

Pasta Combination Selector