Courage Under Fire

Courage Under Fire
Rigatoni mixed with Alfredo, adorned with Grilled Chicken
Comments

In this photo I really tried to capture the tensile strength of rigatoni. Note how the eyes are drawn to the central piece, which holds its shape despite the weight of another rigatoni atop it. Truly an engineering marvel. The top rigatoni, however, is sagging! Perhaps there is also a more metaphorical meaning here - that pain is relative. Not everyone responds to pressure the same way, and there are many kinds of strength.

Cat Scratch Fever

Cat Scratch Fever
Grilled Chicken put upon a fistful of Spaghetti, accompanied by Five Cheese Marinara
Comments

I find the browning on the grilled chicken really visually appealing, especially when looked at with the striations of the chicken muscle. Olive Garden’s food has always looked a little plastic, a little too manufactured - see the spaghetti and five cheese marinara in this photo for an example. But the grilled chicken is real. I love it.

Poster Boy

Poster Boy
Fettuccine balanced with Grilled Chicken, perfectly covered in Alfredo
Comments

This is the combination that Olive Garden features prominently on their 2016-edition menu for the Never Ending Pasta Bowl, and also in much of their promotional material. I spent a lot of time taking pictures of what I was served, and I think I did the best I could with what I got. Now all that’s left to do is wait for the talent scouts to come knocking on my door. Psst - it’s vino at all of garden dot com, if you’re wondering.

Poster Man

Poster Man
Fettuccine pumped chock-full of Grilled Chicken, showered in Asiago Garlic Alfredo
Comments

Consider this a darker, grittier reboot of Grilled Chicken Alfredo. A little bit more nuanced, a little more adult. May not be suitable for all customers. Only served after 10 pm.

Orange You Glad

Orange You Glad
Five Cheese Marinara tastefully mixed with Grilled Chicken, refreshingly settled on a agglutination of Fettuccine
Comments

Truly the Italian Sausage of sauces, Five Cheese Marinara is really gross-looking but actually tastes pretty good. It’s a sort of guilty pleasure - which, now that I think of it, is a weird distinction to make when you’re already at the Olive Garden. Who am I trying to impress here?

Comin' At Ya!

Comin' At Ya!
Five Cheese Marinara fused with Pappardelle, pumped chock-full of Grilled Chicken
Comments

Ever since I figured out how to adjust the f-stop on my camera, my photography has really made the leap from “guy who just bought a nice camera” to “guy who spent 2 minutes skimming the manual for his nice camera”. The depth of field adds, I feel, a sense of action to an otherwise plain bowl of pasta.

Hungry Man

Hungry Man
Meatballs sensuously kissed with Alfredo, enveloped by a agglutination of Pappardelle
Comments

I have disliked the combination of meatballs and alfredo since I first tried it 3 years ago. It has not improved in that time, though not having it on a bed of angelhair does help considerably.

Sporty Sauce

Sporty Sauce
Pappardelle swimming in Asiago Garlic Alfredo
Comments

Consistently voted “Best Dressed” amongst the Pasta Bowl Sauces - it’s hard to beat the chic accessories of whole cloves of roasted garlic and freshly-grated cheese. Make it last forever - friendship never ends (for a limited time only, starting at $9.99)!

Posh Sauce

Posh Sauce
Pappardelle smothered in Alfredo
Comments

A little classier, a little more decadent than the tomato-based sauces, Posh Sauce is a classic choice that’s here to stay. Luxurious dishes like this remind us that, on occasion, you gotta slow it down baby, gotta have some fun.

Scary Sauce

Scary Sauce
Meat Sauce put upon a agglutination of Pappardelle
Comments

Aggressive, intimidating, and chock-full of protein, Scary Sauce is the original bad girl. Stop right now (thank you very much) and order a bowl today!

Ginger Sauce

Ginger Sauce
Marinara enveloped by a bunch of Pappardelle
Comments

A spicy redhead, Ginger Sauce is a real heartbreaker! It’s distinct aroma will come back to you time and again, even years later, like a punch in the stomach as you just try to write your stupid pasta blog. Don’t go wasting my precious time - just order this pasta, and you’ll be just fine!

Baby Sauce

Baby Sauce
Five Cheese Marinara swaddled in a cave, boy! A cave of Pappardelle
Comments

Whether you’re a goddamn child or just have the palate of one, Baby Sauce is a meal that will bring to mind the off-brand Velveeta your mom would microwave over dry elbow macaroni when times were tight. Spice up your life and try it!

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