The Pastas

13/50

13/50
Spaghetti smeared with Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Not Quite Jumbo

Not Quite Jumbo
Asiago Garlic Alfredo sheltered within a lump of Spaghetti, blended with Shrimp Fritta
Comments

Allison was very unimpressed with the size of the toppings on this pasta. "They're so tiny!"

"Well," I ventured cautiously, "they are shrimp."

She did not dignify that with a response, but she did finish the dish, so it must've been pretty good otherwise.

12/50

12/50
Marinara settled on a pile of Spaghetti
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Apparently, Not Worth Finishing

Apparently, Not Worth Finishing
Rigatoni hybridized with Marinara
Comments

This name could have been given to about half the pastas I see my dates eat, but Chelsea really made a point about it. The rigatoni was not able to maintain a hold on the sauce, and consequently the dining experience was notably dry and lackluster.

11/50

11/50
Spaghetti woven into Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Meat Blanket

Meat Blanket
Fettuccine richly covered in Meat Sauce
Comments

Nominated for second-most unsettling two-word combination (after "puppy enema") this is actually a filling combination with a good balance of macronutrients. Solid option! Try not to think about puppy enemas while eating, btw.

10/50

10/50
Marinara woven into Spaghetti
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Two Cows

Two Cows
Asiago Garlic Alfredo nigh-erotically wrapped in a pile of Cavatappi, enhanced with a veritable bevy of Meatballs
Comments

Two cows are standing in a field (of cavatappi). One says to the other, "Hey, you worried about that Mad Cow Disease going around?"

The other one scoffs. "Why should I be? I'm a squirrel."

9/50

9/50
Spaghetti mixed with Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Shrimpy Night

Shrimpy Night
Spaghetti drowning in Creamy Mushroom, fused with Shrimp Fritta
Comments

The cool color palette and burning spirals of shrimp in this dish immediately evoke the foxglove-hazed world of Van Gogh's most beloved by college freshmen painting, The Starry Night. And if you don't see it, you're the uncultured one.

8/50

8/50
Spaghetti coated in Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Event Horizon

Event Horizon
Rigatoni swimming in Five Cheese Marinara
Comments

Imagine a ring of cheese so dense, so packed with cholesterol, that light cannot escape its gooey center. What appears to be a normal pasta transcends into a physical phenomena beyond science's ability to explain. Also, it comes with soup.

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