Breakfast In America

Breakfast In America
Fettuccine uniquely drowning in Marinara, sensuously topped with Chicken Fritta
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Could we have fritta for breakfast?
Pappardelle, pappardelle?
We gotta have it with lettuce
And flakes of basil, zinfandel

Big Papa’s Shrimp

Big Papa’s Shrimp
Asiago Garlic Alfredo festooned with Shrimp Fritta, swaddled in a pile of Fettuccine
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Fashion faux pas alert! This shrimp fritta has “accidentally” let its breaded coating slip, providing us a tantalizing glimpse at the flesh beneath. Dinner *and* a show!

Papa’s Shrimp

Papa’s Shrimp
Fettuccine sprinkled with Shrimp Fritta, smeared with Alfredo
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Looks like the chef who prepared this one got a little overzealous with the alfredo sauce, but can you blame him? It’s a tasty dish! Plus, he probably makes like $8 an hour serving up thousands of bowls of this stuff to ungrateful slobs who wolf it down without a second thought.

Budget Cuts

Budget Cuts
Marinara placed upon a deep well of Fettuccine, covered in Meatballs
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The water from the sauce has begun to settle out into the bottom of the bowl in a fairly unappetizing way. This is one of many problems that are solved by pre-mixing your dish before serving, but I understand that the Olive Garden is a high-volume restaurant. The extra step was probably deemed fiscally untenable by some accountant somewhere, but here we are now, dealing with the aftermath.

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out
Fettuccine lovingly tossed with Italian Sausage, coated in Meat Sauce
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Naturally, all Italian Sausages are beautiful in their own way, and each has its own unique bumps, marks, fordyce spots, et cetera. But there’s something funky going on with this one, and I really think you should get it looked at before it gets worse.

Papa’s Italian Sausage

Papa’s Italian Sausage
Italian Sausage saturated in Alfredo, placed upon a pile of Fettuccine
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Ah, behold the subtle interplay of light and shadow. I haven’t seen a sausage photographed this tastefully since I uninstalled Snapchat.

First Time At The ‘Garden?

First Time At The ‘Garden?
Alfredo lovingly garnished lavishly with Chicken Fritta, placed upon a bottomless bowl of Spaghetti
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Spaghetti and alfredo sauce is and always will be an artless combination, something a rookie pasta eater might ignorantly order at random off the main menu. When it arrives, he has to pretend that this is what he wanted, and eat the whole thing to save face. It’s really quite sad. I had a good seven minute conversation with my waitress as to how this was not the case with me, that I am actually a very important food blogger. She seemed convinced, but would not inform the chef as I instructed.

The Classic - 2016 Edition

The Classic - 2016 Edition
Marinara tossed on a handful of Spaghetti, sensuously hybridized with Chicken Fritta
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I’m going to say it here and now - grilled chicken is a phenomenal topping, the best Olive Garden has ever offered, bar none. I know that this may scandalize the old guard, but the meatball has been dethroned. Grilled chicken for life. Gaze upon the new classic. Hail to the king.

Week Zero - Pre-Pasta

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Before my pasta journey began, I took a brief video and some photos for comparison's sake. I should've uploaded these last week, but here they are now. My bad!

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING VIDEOS AND IMAGES CONTAIN FOOTAGE OF VINO IN HIS UNDERWEAR.
If you do not want to see me in my underwear, do not click these links! Thank you!
Video (in case someone accuses me of photoshopping these)
Front (flexing like a fool)
Front (making a weird face)
Back (as opposed to front)

Blog Year Three - SWOLive Garden!

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Hey, pasta fans!

This year's blog will be a little different - I'm going to get buff as h*ck on a purely OG-based diet. I'm really excited for this one. Click here to check out http://swolivegarden.com , watch the video, and get the skinny on the chubby going natty!

A Word About The Natural Beauty Of The Human Form
In addition to mouth-watering photos of the new Neverending Pasta Bowl combinations this year, I'll be posting lots of pictures of myself in my underwear. This will let you watch my pasta-powered progress in real-time, week by week. I think you'll find the juxtaposition of doughy white blobs and Olive Garden's food to be a natural combination.

If you do not wish to see me in my underwear, I strongly advise you to avoid clicking the links that say "click here to see me in my underwear". The blog will otherwise remain a work-safe environment!

The Seven Best and Worst of 2014-2015

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The pasta pass is back for 2016! As a little appetizer to this year's blog, let's have some fun. In honor of my favorite seven weeks, here's a look back at my seven favorite - and least favorite - pastas from the past two years.

Hall of Fame

Hall of Shame

Really looking forward to 2016's Never Ending Pasta Bowl! Watch this space. :)

New?

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If you're reaching this blog for the first time, welcome! I'm Vino, Olive Garden connoisseur, and I hope you enjoy reading it. There are two years of content to peruse, and roughly 250 reviews and high-definition pictures of Olive Garden food to salivate over. There's no real narrative or structure to the blog itself, so feel free to skip around randomly, or just start from the beginning and power through! If that seems overwhelming, here's a curated list of posts you may particularly enjoy.

All Of Garden - One Man's Quest to Eat All the Pasta
The first year (2014) Olive Garden offered the Never Ending Pasta Pass, and I decided to abandon my life of healthy mediocrity for a shot at stardom and diabetes.

Introduction Video - Big thanks to my sister, the camerawoman

Noteworthy Days
One - The journey of a thousand bowls begins with a single bite
Four - My first time eating alone
Five - My first date (if only she could see me now!)
Seven - A duet theme
Sixteen - A tribute to my second-favorite poet
Twenty-six - My olive garden mixtape
Forty- The best pun to non-pun ratio in the blog
Forty-six- A video callout of im-pasta-er Alan Martin

Noteworthy Pastas
Rime of the Ancient Marinara - Still pretty proud of this one
Cheezilla - A fan favorite
Grown Up Meal For Big Boys - A special request sauce (primavera) and topping (grilled chicken) that is a real game-changer. Highly recommended if your OG will work with you
Collecting Seashells - Based on a true story


All Love Garden - Fifty First Plates
The 2015 edition of the blog, which focuses less on the food and more on people. Don't worry - there's still plenty of pasta!

Introduction Video - The production values of this are not my own doing. The horrible audio levels, however, are
Introduction Website - I spent a lot of time stealing just the right CSS for the scrolling effect, so please appreciate it

Random Dates (All dates were noteworthy in their own way)
Katrina - The brave first date
Marty - The Party's here
Ashley - Features a picture of a corgi
Celene- Writer of the worl'd second-best Olive Garden blog
Alycia - An Olive Garden hostess with a heart of gold

Roadtrips
San Francisco, California - I deeply regret not getting better photos of this beautiful city
Phoenix, Arizona - I deeply regret giving a con artist $10 in this oppressively hot city
Las Vegas, Nevada - Make sure to mouseover that picture

Noteworthy Pastas
Rice-A-Roni - Least appetizing
The Chicken - I never did get the meter quite right here
The End - Most photogenic

Pasta Combination Selector