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A Big Bowl of Cheese Puffs

A Big Bowl of Cheese Puffs
Rigatoni garnished lavishly with Italian Sausage, drowning in Five Cheese Marinara
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A satisfying thing to munch on absentmindedly, but not what most would call fine dining. Apparently, you can get halfway through this dish without even realizing you were eating!

Day One - Leslie

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Greatest Strength -- Much like a homing pigeon with a part time job, Leslie can always find the most direct route to a Target from an arbitrary starting point.
Weakest Weakness -- Sales on spooky halloween pajamas
Feelings about the Olive Garden -- "I don't know. I'm not picky. If somebody wanted to go here, I'd go."
Snapshot: "I'll take the breadsticks," I offer graciously, placing them in my bag before Leslie has a chance to ask for one. "I can give them to my cowor-"
Her demeanor changes before I can even finish my sentence. "DID YOU SAY CORGIS??"
"N...no. Coworkers."
"Ahh.....I love corgis, though."
Creative Challenge -- "Draw a Pikachu from memory."

Result:


(The marinara stains are my own. I apologize deeply for my desecration of this art, and I pray that the audience will not hold the damage against Leslie when determining this year's victor)

--

Leslie is a college student studying geography, and she was a very good sport about my pointed questions about the career options of a field that has been obsolesced by the existence of the humble GPS. My smugness evaporated, however, when both of our phones died simultaneously, and the waiter asked us what the capital of Turkey was, and what was the difference between a basin and a plain.

Vino's Vegan Victual:
1/50

Leslie's Lunch:
Creamy Mushroom Sauce

49 dates to go! Thank you for dining with me, Leslie! You were great!

Creamy Mushroom Sauce

Creamy Mushroom Sauce
Creamy Mushroom accentuated with a generous portion of Fettuccine, seamlessly covered in Grilled Chicken
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Olive Garden's sole new offering this year for the Never Ending Pasta Bowl is this creamy mushroom sauce, creatively named Creamy Mushroom Sauce. My dates who have tried it describe it as a "creamy sauce, with mushrooms in it".

I kind of miss being able to actually eat the food I'm reviewing. I feel like it'd be much easier.

1/50

1/50
Marinara balanced with Spaghetti
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This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Special Edition Bonus Content

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Welcome to All of Garden! If you're visiting for the first time, click here.

With our recent sordid (part one) business (part two) concluded, it's time for a fun treat!

There was a lot of media coverage of the trademark adventure, and, as expected, the comments sections were abuzz with some great content. After stripping out the standard racist invective, anti-Olive Garden hate speech, etc, I collected my favorite limericks therein.

I have reprinted them all here without permission (naturally, I now consider myself above all intellectual property laws*) and immortalized each with a unique, never-before-posted Never Ending Pasta Bowl combination. Congratulations to these fine writers!

If and when the Never Ending Pasta Bowl returns in 2017, expect to see another 7 weeks of pasta adventures here. Until then, follow me on twitter @AllOfGarden for any and all updates. :)

*For real, if you see your limerick here and want me to take it down just email me and I will comply post-haste.

Shudder

Shudder
Meat Sauce tastefully settled on a bundle of Pappardelle, blissfully crossbred with Grilled Chicken
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We appreciate your response to our letter,
You seem like quite a go-getter
Use our marks if you must
Your reviews now seem just
And we're glad our Alfredo is better

Doug

Doug
Pappardelle pleasantly smothered in Alfredo, balanced with Grilled Chicken
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Oh Vino, don't know what came over me
I wrote with such haste I just couldn't see
That to eat at our joint
Is kind of the point
Of your whole blog and your joie de vivre

Anonymous

Anonymous
Italian Sausage delightfully hidden in a ball the size of a chihuahua's head of Pappardelle, smeared with Five Cheese Marinara
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Please accept Branden’s retraction
For you’ve committed no real infraction,
Our legal teams cross
‘Cause they’re lost in the sauce,
This was all just an over-reaction

grizzlyaddams

grizzlyaddams
Five Cheese Marinara hybridized with Pappardelle, skillfully merged with Chicken Fritta
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That e-mail seems fairly obtuse
It doesn't consider fair use
When I eat Olive Garden
My arteries harden
I'd rather eat plain boiled goose

Samkass Wise

Samkass Wise
Grilled Chicken tastefully joined with Gluten Free Rotini, swimming in Asiago Garlic Alfredo
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The family of Forcements agrees
With your assessment of sauces and cheese
But the law is like Kafka
Not infinite pasta
And trademarks are all Branden sees

So take care with our company name
It’s use is not purely fair game
But if you are not blatant
And attach disclaimer statements
We lawyers shall not make a claim

Dean Alterman

Dean Alterman
Fettuccine drenched in Marinara, enriched with vitamin Grilled Chicken
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We’re sorry we got hot and sweaty,
Your blog throws us praise like confetti.
Your use of our name
Will add to our fame
So continue to laud our spaghetti.

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