The Pastas

Money Shot

Money Shot
Alfredo ensconced by a fistful of Gluten Free Rotini, studded with Grilled Chicken
Comments

There’s the initial rush and excitement of ordering your food, the anticipation, and then - it arrives! This photograph is my attempt to capture that moment - where the alfredo sauce seeps into the various crevices of the noodles, and you feel a mixture of bliss and shame.

J. Kenji López-Alt

J. Kenji López-Alt
Five Cheese Marinara heaped with Meatballs, flawlessly tucked away inside a deep well of Pappardelle
Comments

I named this pasta after my favorite food-related blogger/writer, who once penned a turn of phrase that really stuck with me when it comes to describing a sauce. He might say that the meatball here is “enveloped in a thick, creamy robe” of five-cheese marinara.

Then again, he might not say that. I don’t know what Mr. López-Alt thinks about Olive Garden’s food. I do know that his book totally changed the way I approach both cooking and food in general, and I highly recommend it if you’re at all interested in the science of the subject.

Still Life - Peasant’s Lunch

Still Life - Peasant’s Lunch
Chicken Fritta drenched in Meat Sauce, dropped on a bundle of Pappardelle
Comments

The artist has captured the rustic simplicity of a humble laborer’s midday meal. Notice his use of tasteful lighting to match the tasteful ingredients.

Breakfast In America

Breakfast In America
Pappardelle adorned with Chicken Fritta, accompanied by Marinara
Comments

Could we have fritta for breakfast?
Pappardelle, pappardelle?
We gotta have it with lettuce
And flakes of basil, zinfandel

Big Papa’s Shrimp

Big Papa’s Shrimp
Pappardelle gingerly fused with Asiago Garlic Alfredo, garishly bursting with Shrimp Fritta
Comments

Fashion faux pas alert! This shrimp fritta has “accidentally” let its breaded coating slip, providing us a tantalizing glimpse at the flesh beneath. Dinner *and* a show!

Papa’s Shrimp

Papa’s Shrimp
Alfredo garnished lavishly with Shrimp Fritta, nigh-erotically nestled within a baseless basin of Pappardelle
Comments

Looks like the chef who prepared this one got a little overzealous with the alfredo sauce, but can you blame him? It’s a tasty dish! Plus, he probably makes like $8 an hour serving up thousands of bowls of this stuff to ungrateful slobs who wolf it down without a second thought.

Budget Cuts

Budget Cuts
Pappardelle glazed with Marinara, embedded with Meatballs
Comments

The water from the sauce has begun to settle out into the bottom of the bowl in a fairly unappetizing way. This is one of many problems that are solved by pre-mixing your dish before serving, but I understand that the Olive Garden is a high-volume restaurant. The extra step was probably deemed fiscally untenable by some accountant somewhere, but here we are now, dealing with the aftermath.

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out
Italian Sausage incorporated with Pappardelle, drowning in Meat Sauce
Comments

Naturally, all Italian Sausages are beautiful in their own way, and each has its own unique bumps, marks, fordyce spots, et cetera. But there’s something funky going on with this one, and I really think you should get it looked at before it gets worse.

Papa’s Italian Sausage

Papa’s Italian Sausage
Alfredo nigh-erotically united at last with Pappardelle, uniquely replete with Italian Sausage
Comments

Ah, behold the subtle interplay of light and shadow. I haven’t seen a sausage photographed this tastefully since I uninstalled Snapchat.

First Time At The ‘Garden?

First Time At The ‘Garden?
Spaghetti refreshingly smeared with Alfredo, sensuously merged with Grilled Chicken
Comments

Spaghetti and alfredo sauce is and always will be an artless combination, something a rookie pasta eater might ignorantly order at random off the main menu. When it arrives, he has to pretend that this is what he wanted, and eat the whole thing to save face. It’s really quite sad. I had a good seven minute conversation with my waitress as to how this was not the case with me, that I am actually a very important food blogger. She seemed convinced, but would not inform the chef as I instructed.

Pasta Combination Selector