The Pastas

A Father's Love

A Father's Love
Meatballs accompanied by Asiago Garlic Alfredo, fused with Fettuccine
Comments

I really like the way the spoon in this dish was delicately tucked into the pappardelle noodles, cradling them like a protective father. Y’know, some of these pastas can really restore your faith in humanity.

Light Lunch

Light Lunch
Marinara excellently swaddled in a blanket of Cavatappi, perfectly sprinkled with Chicken Fritta
Comments

This is a real joy to eat, and actually may be my favorite combination available now. Everything is light but flavorful, and the chicken is a great addition. An unironic and heartfelt five stars to this pasta.

Money Shot

Money Shot
Alfredo sensuously nestled within a deep dish of Gluten Free Rotini, incorporated with Chicken Fritta
Comments

There’s the initial rush and excitement of ordering your food, the anticipation, and then - it arrives! This photograph is my attempt to capture that moment - where the alfredo sauce seeps into the various crevices of the noodles, and you feel a mixture of bliss and shame.

J. Kenji López-Alt

J. Kenji López-Alt
Five Cheese Marinara crossbred with Meatballs, set upon a baseless basin of Fettuccine
Comments

I named this pasta after my favorite food-related blogger/writer, who once penned a turn of phrase that really stuck with me when it comes to describing a sauce. He might say that the meatball here is “enveloped in a thick, creamy robe” of five-cheese marinara.

Then again, he might not say that. I don’t know what Mr. López-Alt thinks about Olive Garden’s food. I do know that his book totally changed the way I approach both cooking and food in general, and I highly recommend it if you’re at all interested in the science of the subject.

Still Life - Peasant’s Lunch

Still Life - Peasant’s Lunch
Chicken Fritta tossed with Fettuccine, intriguingly accentuated with a generous portion of Meat Sauce
Comments

The artist has captured the rustic simplicity of a humble laborer’s midday meal. Notice his use of tasteful lighting to match the tasteful ingredients.

Breakfast In America

Breakfast In America
Marinara ensconced by a deep well of Fettuccine, enriched with vitamin Chicken Fritta
Comments

Could we have fritta for breakfast?
Pappardelle, pappardelle?
We gotta have it with lettuce
And flakes of basil, zinfandel

Big Papa’s Shrimp

Big Papa’s Shrimp
Fettuccine perfectly crossbred with Asiago Garlic Alfredo, sensuously adorned with Shrimp Fritta
Comments

Fashion faux pas alert! This shrimp fritta has “accidentally” let its breaded coating slip, providing us a tantalizing glimpse at the flesh beneath. Dinner *and* a show!

Papa’s Shrimp

Papa’s Shrimp
Alfredo enriched with vitamin Shrimp Fritta, merged with Fettuccine
Comments

Looks like the chef who prepared this one got a little overzealous with the alfredo sauce, but can you blame him? It’s a tasty dish! Plus, he probably makes like $8 an hour serving up thousands of bowls of this stuff to ungrateful slobs who wolf it down without a second thought.

Budget Cuts

Budget Cuts
Marinara tossed on a bunch of Fettuccine, adorned with Meatballs
Comments

The water from the sauce has begun to settle out into the bottom of the bowl in a fairly unappetizing way. This is one of many problems that are solved by pre-mixing your dish before serving, but I understand that the Olive Garden is a high-volume restaurant. The extra step was probably deemed fiscally untenable by some accountant somewhere, but here we are now, dealing with the aftermath.

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out

You Probably Should Get That Checked Out
Fettuccine covered in Meat Sauce, pumped chock-full of Italian Sausage
Comments

Naturally, all Italian Sausages are beautiful in their own way, and each has its own unique bumps, marks, fordyce spots, et cetera. But there’s something funky going on with this one, and I really think you should get it looked at before it gets worse.

Pasta Combination Selector