All Love Garden
Hi pasta fans!
The adventure starts next week, September 25, 2017. Watch this space!
Those seeking more up-to-the-minute updates can follow me on Twitter (AllOfGarden) and Instagram (AllLoveGarden).
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With our recent sordid (part one) business (part two) concluded, it's time for a fun treat!
There was a lot of media coverage of the trademark adventure, and, as expected, the comments sections were abuzz with some great content. After stripping out the standard racist invective, anti-Olive Garden hate speech, etc, I collected my favorite limericks therein.
I have reprinted them all here without permission (naturally, I now consider myself above all intellectual property laws*) and immortalized each with a unique, never-before-posted Never Ending Pasta Bowl combination. Congratulations to these fine writers!
If and when the Never Ending Pasta Bowl returns in 2017, expect to see another 7 weeks of pasta adventures here. Until then, follow me on twitter @AllOfGarden for any and all updates. :)
*For real, if you see your limerick here and want me to take it down just email me and I will comply post-haste.
We appreciate your response to our letter,
You seem like quite a go-getter
Use our marks if you must
Your reviews now seem just
And we're glad our Alfredo is better
Oh Vino, don't know what came over me
I wrote with such haste I just couldn't see
That to eat at our joint
Is kind of the point
Of your whole blog and your joie de vivre
Please accept Branden’s retraction
For you’ve committed no real infraction,
Our legal teams cross
‘Cause they’re lost in the sauce,
This was all just an over-reaction
That e-mail seems fairly obtuse
It doesn't consider fair use
When I eat Olive Garden
My arteries harden
I'd rather eat plain boiled goose
The family of Forcements agrees
With your assessment of sauces and cheese
But the law is like Kafka
Not infinite pasta
And trademarks are all Branden sees
So take care with our company name
It’s use is not purely fair game
But if you are not blatant
And attach disclaimer statements
We lawyers shall not make a claim
We’re sorry we got hot and sweaty,
Your blog throws us praise like confetti.
Your use of our name
Will add to our fame
So continue to laud our spaghetti.
Pasta with mystery sauce
A lawyer who thinks he's a boss
Mix them together
You'll get meatballs on leather
And a case that the judge has to toss
Our lawyers regret their swift action
to accuse you of IP infraction.
We retract our complaint -
‘twas a lack of restraint!
- and we’ll beat them with some satisfaction.
An unfortunate misunderstanding - Conclusion
As of six thirty-five in the PMs
I've wrapped up my talks with the chieftains
They were misconstrued;
I'm not getting sued
And I needn't write out any ™s
Yes! An official who represents Darden
Has granted me a total pardon
We've reached resolution
I received absolution
For daring to print "olive garden"
The source of the problem was sought
And the sender-offender was caught!
That e-mail was provided
(If you wonder [as I did])
by a prodigious, litigious spam-bot.
My sole issue with Legal's retort
Was the prose of their written report
The demand was specific:
a reply via lim'rick
Well. At least I'm not going to court.
An unfortunate misunderstanding
As you may have seen on the Internet's number one non-pasta-related site, Reddit, I'm currently in the midst of what I can only assume is a huge misunderstanding with Darden about my use of their trademarks. I will keep all my fans updated here with the happenings in real-time.
For future reference, here is the full text of the email.
After discussion with many internet people who could possibly be lawyers I have emailed this reply. I am awaiting their response.
date: Tue, Jul 18, 2017 at 10:01 AM
To Whom It May Concern:
As you are likely aware, Darden is a full-service restaurant company, and owns and operates over 1,500 restaurants through subsidiaries under the Olive Garden®, LongHorn Steakhouse®, The Capital Grille®, Yard House®, Seasons 52®, Bahama Breeze®, and Eddie V's Prime Seafood® brands and has a portfolio of over 650 trademarks in over 70 countries related to the same (collectively "Trademarks”.)
In connection with Darden Corporation’s proprietary rights over its famous trademark(s) we are notifying you of the following:
Darden Corporation has recently learned that the trademark Olive Garden appears as a metatag, keyword, visible or hidden text on the web site(s) located at the below listed URL(s) without having obtained prior written authorization from Darden Corporation. This practice infringes upon the exclusive intellectual property rights of Darden Corporation.
As a trademark owner, Darden Corporation is obligated to enforce its rights by taking action to ensure that others do not use its trademarks without permission. Unauthorized use of the trademark(s) could create a likelihood of confusion with Darden Corporation’s trademark as to the source, sponsorship, affiliation, or endorsement of your web site(s), online location(s), products or services.
In light of the above, we request that you respond to this e-mail within ten (10) days, informing us that you have removed all metatags, keywords, visible or hidden texts including trademark(s) presently appearing on the above-cited website(s) and any other website(s), or draw this issue to the attention of the appropriate person(s).
Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.
date: Wed, Jul 19, 2017 at 8:47 AM
Mr. Forcements -- may I call you Branden? Since this an asynchronous mode of communication, I'm going to assume you are magnanimously acquiescing, and I will refer to you as Branden forthwith -- I received your email yesterday.
I am not aware of any law against reviewing food and describing it using the name of the company from which it was procured. Some might even call it Nominative Fair Use. I have helpfully included a link to Wikipedia™, The Free Encyclopedia™, for more information on this concept, in case you are new. Just click on the blue words to access the HyperLink™, and you will be transported there in great haste.
With that in mind, can you be more specific about what you would like me to do? If you want me to remove references to the Olive Garden from my blog, which, I remind you, solely consists of references to Olive Garden, I'm afraid I must decline.
If you are asking me to simply add TradeMark® Symbols™ I must also decline, as I do not know the alt keycode for writing them.
Perhaps you are asking me to take down my blog entirely. In doing so, Darden Corporation would commit its largest crime against humanity since they started charging extra for toppings. Seriously, $2.99 for two lousy meatballs? And you're saying I ripped you off?
Please respond within nine (9) days, in limerick form.
Wishing the whole Forcements family a pleasant day,
Vincent "Vino" Malone
Olive Garden Connoisseur
Age 29 and a Half