Have you ever had a meatball so big you thought "I could hide underneath that, and no one would ever find me. Then I'd really be free"? If so, you're probably running from some very deep-seated issues that really can't be solved with pasta. I suggest you seek therapy, and stop trying to find solace at the bottom of a pasta bowl. It won't be there, and besides, Olive Garden's pasta bowl is literally bottomless, so you're wasting your time.

Pictured here is Hide and Seek, but you can never hide from yourself!

The flowers are wilting and soaked, the air is cold, the floor is covered in a spicy three meat sauce. This is what autumn is all about - transition, preparation, and death. Compare eating this pasta to trudging through sloshy leaves: it's an ordeal, but an enjoyable one.

Pictured here is Rainy Autumn Day, and like its namesake, it never lasts long enough!

One of my fondest memories is walking barefoot on the rocky, sandless beaches on the coast of Washington, cutting my feet on the jagged stones while I pretended not to be in extreme pain to impress my girlfriend.

"You really should put some shoes on," she said, obviously impressed.

Pictured here is Collecting Seashells, and by the way, there were no seashells on the beach.

Long co-opted by smarmy atheists from the 1960's who based around her a parody religion that vastly predates Pastafarianism. Discordianism (worship of Eris) is more subtle and richer - much like this plate of untopped penne and alfredo.

Pictured here is Eris. fnord

This Greek personification of pain (physical or mental) is where we get our English word "ache"! It's also what you might feel after the sodium from the Italian Sausage works its magic on your digestive tract.

Pictured here is Achos, and maybe the german annoyed grunt "ach" also has something to do with that.

Grief, sorrow, distress, trouble, and it doesn't stop there - Ania is what we like to call a "total package". If you only worship one personification of strife and unhappiness, make it Ania!

Pictured here is Ania, though this chicken fritta is anything but misery!

Twin brother of Achos, personifying the exact same things as Achos - we can use this pasta to reflect on the legendary laziness of the Greeks when they built their pantheon.

Pictured here is Lupe, and who knows what kind of words come from that? Not me. I'm not looking up jack.

This particular dish is as Freudian in its presentation as in its name. The id is the portion of your mind that looks at a plate of pasta and wants you to immediately grab it with your bare hands, shove it in your mouth, and then look for something to mate with. Furiously.

Pictured here is Id - and sometimes, an Italian Sausage is just an Italian Sausage.

A balance between the two forces of decision making (reptillian want and society-induced morality), the ego is typically described as a "compromiser". I don't agree with that interpretation, since a given human action can typically be broken down as either moral or immoral, and the greyness of a person's soul is more the ratio of one to the other. When we're deciding whether to steal candy from a baby or purchase some from the store, we don't 'compromise' between the two and buy the candy from the baby.

Anyway, regarding this pasta, I don't feel the need to explain how it's related to the concepts discussed above. It's very obvious to any intelligent person.

Pictured here is Ego, and did anyone actually read all that?

Of the three Freudian dishes today, this one is my favorite - it's as edible as it is oedipal!

Pictured here is Superego, and you should eat it because of society, maaaaaan.

Any longshoreman will tell you that the first they seek when shore leave rolls around is a plate of this classic dish, named for the moonlike circle of pure white alfredo sauce. What happens after the pasta is acquired is anyone's guess, and, frankly, beyond the good taste of this blog.

Pictured here is Sailor's Moon, winning my love by daylight.

Countershading is the natural phenomenon of an animal having a darker upper half of its body, and a lighter lower half. Consider the pale stomach of the dolphin, the natural gradient of a common lizard, or the crunchy hide of the chicken fritta and its soft, white underbelly. See how this countershading flattens out the meat visually, making it difficult to spot?

Pictured here is Countershade, dark on top, light on the bottom - like I like my women. No, I do not know what I mean by that.