What is this?

Ania

Ania
Spaghetti blissfully drowning in Marinara, sprinkled with Chicken Fritta
Comments

Grief, sorrow, distress, trouble, and it doesn't stop there - Ania is what we like to call a "total package". If you only worship one personification of strife and unhappiness, make it Ania!

Pictured here is Ania, though this chicken fritta is anything but misery!

Lupe

Lupe
Penne gently replete with Spicy Three Meat Sauce, sprinkled with Meatballs
Comments

Twin brother of Achos, personifying the exact same things as Achos - we can use this pasta to reflect on the legendary laziness of the Greeks when they built their pantheon.

Pictured here is Lupe, and who knows what kind of words come from that? Not me. I'm not looking up jack.

Day 23

Comments

Travelled up to Grand Forks today to get a break from the routine of slowly dying of what I can only assume is a pasta-based tumor, a malignant ball of carbs that has permanently lodged itself in my sinus cavity and causes a nonstop flow of mucous and misery.

Sorry. Where was I? Oh. Grand Forks.

Grand Forks has been on my to-visit list ever since I began this quest - their Olive Garden is legendary as the subject of Marilyn Hagerty's viral review from 2012 . I have so much to say about that review, and the Internet's response to it, that I'll save it for its own day, because I try not to let these blogs get too long.

Lunch was skipped.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Id
Ego
Superego

As Mrs. Hagerty pointed out, the decor of this Olive Garden is much more ornate and grandiose than the Fargo branch. As expected, the food is absolutely identical. I was hoping to meet the manager and compare his personal style to that of the three Fargo ones, but I couldn't find him. :(

A special thanks to my dining companion, Sue!

Id

Id
Italian Sausage merged with Spicy Three Meat Sauce, impeccably settled on a deep dish of Penne
Comments

This particular dish is as Freudian in its presentation as in its name. The id is the portion of your mind that looks at a plate of pasta and wants you to immediately grab it with your bare hands, shove it in your mouth, and then look for something to mate with. Furiously.

Pictured here is Id - and sometimes, an Italian Sausage is just an Italian Sausage.

Ego

Ego
Meatballs tucked away inside a deep dish of Fettuccine, nigh-erotically combined with Roasted Mushroom Alfredo
Comments

A balance between the two forces of decision making (reptillian want and society-induced morality), the ego is typically described as a "compromiser". I don't agree with that interpretation, since a given human action can typically be broken down as either moral or immoral, and the greyness of a person's soul is more the ratio of one to the other. When we're deciding whether to steal candy from a baby or purchase some from the store, we don't 'compromise' between the two and buy the candy from the baby.

Anyway, regarding this pasta, I don't feel the need to explain how it's related to the concepts discussed above. It's very obvious to any intelligent person.

Pictured here is Ego, and did anyone actually read all that?

Superego

Superego
Chicken Fritta impeccably wrapped in a handful of Fettuccine, incorporated with Marinara
Comments

Of the three Freudian dishes today, this one is my favorite - it's as edible as it is oedipal!

Pictured here is Superego, and you should eat it because of society, maaaaaan.

Day 22

Comments

The days grow colder, pastas grow warmer, and my sinuses grow mucous-filled-er. It is extremely unpleasant, and I do not envy anyone who has to sit across from me and watch me alternatively sniffle and wince in pain as an errant wire from my braces tears into the soft flesh of my cheek with every chewing motion. Perhaps this is why I have so many first dates, and so few second ones.

Lunch was Sailor's Moon.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Countershade
Crypsis
Milky Way

That's okay, though. Everything is always downhill after the first date anyway~

A special thanks to my dining companion, Tayler!

Sailor's Moon

Sailor's Moon
Shrimp Fritta uniquely wrapped in a heap of Angel Hair, refreshingly saturated in Alfredo
Comments

Any longshoreman will tell you that the first they seek when shore leave rolls around is a plate of this classic dish, named for the moonlike circle of pure white alfredo sauce. What happens after the pasta is acquired is anyone's guess, and, frankly, beyond the good taste of this blog.

Pictured here is Sailor's Moon, winning my love by daylight.

Countershade

Countershade
Fettuccine tastefully bursting with Chicken Fritta, merged with Spicy Three Meat Sauce
Comments

Countershading is the natural phenomenon of an animal having a darker upper half of its body, and a lighter lower half. Consider the pale stomach of the dolphin, the natural gradient of a common lizard, or the crunchy hide of the chicken fritta and its soft, white underbelly. See how this countershading flattens out the meat visually, making it difficult to spot?

Pictured here is Countershade, dark on top, light on the bottom - like I like my women. No, I do not know what I mean by that.

Crypsis

Crypsis
Chicken Fritta merged with Fettuccine, thought-provokingly covered in Five Cheese Marinara
Comments

Technically speaking, crypsis is any way in which an organism tries to avoid detection. In this particular dish, I refer to the evolutionarily-designed blending of the chicken frita in this pool of five cheese marinara. It's difficult for a predator to tell where the sauce ends and the chicken begins, and thus, the chicken hopes, it can avoid detection by a hungry pasta predator.

Pictured here is Crypsis - hey, did I just do the same review twice in a row?

Milky Way

Milky Way
Alfredo tossed on a heap of Whole Wheat Linguine, nigh-erotically topped with Meatballs
Comments

Behold, the visible galaxy! Playing the part of the supermassive black hole that makes up the center of our corner of the universe, we have a dense orb of pure meat. View in astonishment as the swirls of grease around it simulate the natural curvature of spacetime in the vicinity of extreme gravity.

Yeah, I know this doesn't look that impressive, but imagine if Neil Degrasse Tyson was narrating this review.

Pictured here is Milky Way...or the highway!

Day 21

Comments

Week 3 is over! We near the halfway point, which I plan to do something special for. :)

I can't stop wondering if this will be the only thing I ever do with my life. I guess it's better than nothing, which is what most people do. I get a lot of "haters", as the millenials say, but that's never slowed me down. It takes more than a "ur probly fat irl" to make me stop eating pasta.

Though I kind of wish it didn't. I could really go for a burrito.

Lunch was skipped again.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Veni
Vidi
Vici

I'm still pretty sick. Sorry for the lack of lunch, and the tossed-together post.

A special thanks to my dining companion, my rock, my anchor, Nick!

Pasta Combination Selector