What is this?

Countershade

Countershade
Spicy Three Meat Sauce topped with Chicken Fritta, accentuated with a generous portion of Fettuccine
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Countershading is the natural phenomenon of an animal having a darker upper half of its body, and a lighter lower half. Consider the pale stomach of the dolphin, the natural gradient of a common lizard, or the crunchy hide of the chicken fritta and its soft, white underbelly. See how this countershading flattens out the meat visually, making it difficult to spot?

Pictured here is Countershade, dark on top, light on the bottom - like I like my women. No, I do not know what I mean by that.

Crypsis

Crypsis
Chicken Fritta combined with Fettuccine, mixed with Five Cheese Marinara
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Technically speaking, crypsis is any way in which an organism tries to avoid detection. In this particular dish, I refer to the evolutionarily-designed blending of the chicken frita in this pool of five cheese marinara. It's difficult for a predator to tell where the sauce ends and the chicken begins, and thus, the chicken hopes, it can avoid detection by a hungry pasta predator.

Pictured here is Crypsis - hey, did I just do the same review twice in a row?

Milky Way

Milky Way
Alfredo uniquely enriched with vitamin Meatballs, resplendently wrapped in a bottomless bowl of Whole Wheat Linguine
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Behold, the visible galaxy! Playing the part of the supermassive black hole that makes up the center of our corner of the universe, we have a dense orb of pure meat. View in astonishment as the swirls of grease around it simulate the natural curvature of spacetime in the vicinity of extreme gravity.

Yeah, I know this doesn't look that impressive, but imagine if Neil Degrasse Tyson was narrating this review.

Pictured here is Milky Way...or the highway!

Day 21

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Week 3 is over! We near the halfway point, which I plan to do something special for. :)

I can't stop wondering if this will be the only thing I ever do with my life. I guess it's better than nothing, which is what most people do. I get a lot of "haters", as the millenials say, but that's never slowed me down. It takes more than a "ur probly fat irl" to make me stop eating pasta.

Though I kind of wish it didn't. I could really go for a burrito.

Lunch was skipped again.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Veni
Vidi
Vici

I'm still pretty sick. Sorry for the lack of lunch, and the tossed-together post.

A special thanks to my dining companion, my rock, my anchor, Nick!

Veni

Veni
Chicken Fritta dropped on a ball the size of a chihuahua's head of Angel Hair, swimming in Marinara
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Marinara seems to be the least consistent sauce at the OG. Some days it's plain tomato sauce (and I will not be convinced otherwise) and some days it's the perfect compliment to a breaded meat. That said, I would never attempt this sauce without a topping. It's just too subtle - this sauce is an accent, not a main attraction.

Pictured here is Veni!

Vidi

Vidi
Meatballs ensconced by a pile of Cavatappi, accentuated with a generous portion of Spicy Three Meat Sauce
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This was a little bizarre. For the first time, my meatballs came on a separate tray, and were not incorporated into the dish. I have a rule that I take pictures as they are served to me - I don't dress them up, I don't photoshop anything, I don't send back food that looks bad. I want the pictures to be an accurate representation of what a customer can expect.

But "some assembly required" isn't what you can expect at Olive Garden. This was a weird fluke. So I put the meatballs on myself and snapped this picture. I hope you can forgive that I have gone mad with power.

Pictured here is Vidi - straight ballin'.

Vici

Vici
Penne mixed with Five Cheese Marinara, enriched with vitamin Chicken Fritta
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I think the trick to photographing Five Cheese Marinara is to not get too much of it in one shot. If you had, say, a forkful of penne just barely glossed with 5CM, I think that could look pretty good. Unfortunately, while the sauce does *taste* good, it definitely has a tendency to look like...well, any number of unpleasant comparisons spring to mind.

Pictured here is Vici, which utilizes an angle shot that would put any chubby myspace dude to shame.

Day 20

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I've been pretty sick lately (a cold, not pasta-related) so I haven't been eating much and I don't really feel up to writing something actually funny, but the show must go on! I hope you all are having a very nice day and are eating well.

Lunch was skipped.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Charlotte
Emily
Anne

See you tomorrow.

A special thanks to my dining companion, Faye!

Charlotte

Charlotte
Five Cheese Marinara tossed on a agglutination of Spaghetti, embedded with Meatballs
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"I care for myself. The more solitary, the more friendless, the more unsustained I am, the more I will respect myself."

A lot of parallels can be drawn between a strong, independent woman and a meatball alighting a plateau of spaghetti.

Pictured here is Charlotte, a pasta who don't need no man.

Anne

Anne
Marinara sheltered within a baseless basin of Cavatappi, nigh-erotically hybridized with Italian Sausage
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"Beauty is that quality which, next to money, is generally the most attractive to the worst kinds of men; and, therefore, it is likely to entail a great deal of trouble on the possessor."

If this is as true for pasta as it is true for women, this dish can rest easy knowing that it will not be attracting any unsavory types.

Pictured here is Anne, with classic Victorian sensibility.

Emily

Emily
Meatballs swimming in Alfredo, dropped on a bottomless bowl of Fettuccine
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"There is not room for Death,
Nor atom that his might could render void:
Thou — Thou art Being and Breath,
And what Thou art may never be destroyed."

A metaphor for the importance of roughage in an otherwise all-pasta diet.

Pictured here is Emily, so demure!

Day 19

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As word of the blog spreads, it's getting more and more difficult to find dining companions.

This is the opposite of the effect I anticipated. I mean, I don't know about you guys, but I would *love* the chance to eat with a z-list internet celebrity. He even pays for your coke product, and empowers you by letting you purchase your own entree - a real modern gentleman.

Lunch was Welsh Rabbit.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Jessica Rabbit
Rare Bit
Rabbi T

Hopefully, I'll be able to snag some less media-savvy dates in the coming weeks.

A special thanks to my dining companion, Katherine!

Pasta Combination Selector