Nûh

Nûh
Fettuccine replete with Alfredo
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"O my Lord! surely I have called my people by night and by day!

Day 12

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Today I was famous.

I liked doing this, but the end product was heavily edited. This is just a partial list of things cut from the interview:

-A scene in which I look at the menu and say "I think I'll have...EVERYTHING!", then the camera zooms in on the waiter's shocked face [sound effect: slide whistle]
-The boom mic operator distracting the manager while the cameraman fills his gear bag with breadsticks
-Palpable sexual tension between me and the reporter
-My reading aloud of the entirety of the ending speech from Atlas Shrugged, in which I replace all personal pronouns with pasta equivalents
-The ending montage of me eating pounds upon pounds of spaghetti, interspersed with shots of starving 3rd-world children

Lunch was Exposition.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Recapitulation
Scherzo
Cadenza

Big thanks to the cameraman who asked the most insightful question I've yet to hear in an interview - "what does Hospitaliano mean to *you*"? I'm still thinking this one over!

A special thanks to my dining companion, Kay!

Exposition

Exposition
Meatballs thought-provokingly tucked away inside a mound of Angel Hair, tastefully smothered in Meat Sauce
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It's important to not consider pastas on their own merits alone, but their part in the greater whole that is the meal.

Recapitulation

Recapitulation
Whole Wheat Linguine adorned with Chicken Fritta, covered in Meat Sauce
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A restatement of the original theme, with slight variation.

Scherzo

Scherzo
Five Cheese Marinara sprinkled with Italian Sausage, wrapped in a agglutination of Fettuccine
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Italian for "little joke", this dish comes as a complete shock when presented in the conext of the meal at large - everything is different from what we've come to expect!

Cadenza

Cadenza
Angel Hair glazed with Meat Sauce, perfectly pumped chock-full of Italian Sausage
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Gratuitious vocal self-indulgence was an art form long before Whitney Houston - composers of both music and pasta have made use of the cadenza, an improvised bit of virtuosic play, for centuries.

Day 11

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Dining with children puts me in an awkward position. I understand that parenting is a difficult job - fortunately, thanks to my face being plastered all over the news as "the guy who's going to die in a diabetic coma in three weeks", nobody will risk procreating with me - and I am not the type of person who is irritated by children at a restaurant. I understand that kids will be kids, and will typically be unruly, loud, or otherwise unpleasant. It genuinely does not bother me.

But I can tell it bothers other people, and I'm nothing if not sensitive to the feelings of others, bordering on obsequious-ness. So what am I, as a non-parent, to do when my dining companions' children, adorable though they are, drag down the evening for everyone within screeching range?

Obviously, direct interaction with the parents or the children is impossible. One does not tell parents how to parent, for any number of reasons. All I could manage was a tired "sorry" smile to the diners near us and a large tip for our server. I honestly don't know what the etiquette is in this situation. Can anything be done at all?!

Lunch was The Classic.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Orange Tide
School Lunch
Eighteen Dollar Entree

The above blog entry is entirely fictitious and is a theoretical essay only. On an unrelated note...

A special thanks to my dining companions, The Doll Family!

The Classic

The Classic
Meatballs accompanied by Spaghetti, superbly merged with Marinara
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There is perhaps no dish more quintessentially Olive Garden than The Classic.

Orange Tide

Orange Tide
Shrimp Fritta excellently drizzled with Five Cheese Marinara, sheltered within a mound of Fettuccine
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What if instead of fertilizing our crops with chemically engineered phosphorus, we used pasta?

School Lunch

School Lunch
Marinara crossbred with Shrimp Fritta, expertly dropped on a fistful of Spaghetti
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Anyone who went to a public elementary school remembers that the spaghetti served there is remarkably similar to Olive Garden's, in the inconsistency of the cooking and the "wetness" of the pasta itself.

Eighteen Dollar Entree

Eighteen Dollar Entree
Roasted Mushroom Alfredo topped with Meatballs, thought-provokingly swathed in a mound of Cavatappi
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I live in Fargo, North Dakota, and here, we have a certain mindset about restaurants:

Day 10

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(Part One)

What is art? Free expression of thought, of emotion, of passion? Or the product of a skilled and dedicated hand, a talent worked to a razor's edge through years of careful study and practice? Both? Can anything be art? Can nothing be art?

Today on All of Garden, we're going to look at these broad questions through the lens of pasta. Please get out your notepads and napkins.

Lunch was Art Nouveau.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Art Informel
Art Deco
Art Brut

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you found today an enlightening change of pace.

A special thanks to my dining companion, Michael!

Pasta Combination Selector