Rime of the Ancient Marinara

Rime of the Ancient Marinara
Angel Hair refreshingly saturated in Marinara, enriched with vitamin Shrimp Fritta
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It is an ancient Marinara,
And shrimp toppeth, two or three
"By thy thin strands and flakes o' basil
Now wherefore eaten thou by me?"

Pictured here is Rime of the Ancient Marinara, and it genuinely depresses me that I came up with what will be the height of my entire pun-writing career this early.

Day 13

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Between the blog, my job, and the actual consuming of pasta, I have very little leisure time. But weekends throw a wrench into this, and the amount of time I suddenly find myself with paralyzes me with anxiety, not freedom. I don't think "what can I do with my time", I think, "what should I do with my time"?

Sometime in college I developed a sense of guilt about doing anything 'pointless', like playing video games, reading fictional novels, browsing the internet, or so on. Note that I didn't stop doing these things; I just felt bad the whole time I did them, and awful when I saw it was time for bed. Had an entire day just slipped by, with nothing accomplished but a higher number above my gnome warlock's head?

Lunch was Noah

Dinner was compose of three plates of pasta:

Atrahasis
Gilgamesh
Nûḥ

Clearly, my guilt is even more useless than my hobbies, but I've yet to find a way to escape it.

A special thanks to my dining companion, Danny!

Noah

Noah
Five Cheese Marinara gingerly merged with Italian Sausage, impressively settled on a handful of Whole Wheat Linguine
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"The LORD saw how great the wickedness of the human race had become on the earth, and that every inclination of the thoughts of the human heart was only evil all the time."
-The Bible, after God discovers this dish.

Pictured here is Noah, and doesn't it make you want to just wipe out the human race?

Atrahasis

Atrahasis
Spicy Three Meat Sauce incorporated with Chicken Fritta, expertly tossed on a bundle of Cavatappi
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"When the sixth year arrived
They served up a daughter for a meal,
Served up a son for food. "

-The Akkadian epic, Atrahasis, describing a country where a famine is so great that for five years there was no food but this dish.

Pictured here is Atrahasis, and you'd eat your own children too if this was the only alternative.

Gilgamesh

Gilgamesh
Penne coated in Marinara
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"Instead of your bringing on the Flood,
would that a lion had appeared to diminish the people!
Instead of your bringing on the Flood,
would that a wolf had appeared to diminish the people!
Instead of your bringing on the Flood,
would that famine had occurred to slay the land!
Instead of your bringing on the Flood,
would that (Pestilent) Erra had appeared to ravage the land!"
-A scene from the epic of Gilgamesh, in which the world's most overdramatic customer returns his extremely over-sauced pasta.

Pictured here is Gilgamesh - and personally, I'd rather a wolf diminish my people than ever eat another bite.

Nûh

Nûh
Alfredo dropped on a pile of Fettuccine
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"O my Lord! surely I have called my people by night and by day! But my call has only made them flee the more, and whenever I have called them that Thou mayest forgive them, they put their fingers in their ears, cover themselves with their garments, and persist and are puffed up with pride. "
-The Quran's version of Noah, unsuccessfully attempting to get people to stop putting extra cheese on top of alfredo sauce.

Pictured here is Nûḥ, pronounced just like it's spelled.

Day 12

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Today I was famous.

I liked doing this, but the end product was heavily edited. This is just a partial list of things cut from the interview:

-A scene in which I look at the menu and say "I think I'll have...EVERYTHING!", then the camera zooms in on the waiter's shocked face [sound effect: slide whistle]
-The boom mic operator distracting the manager while the cameraman fills his gear bag with breadsticks
-Palpable sexual tension between me and the reporter
-My reading aloud of the entirety of the ending speech from Atlas Shrugged, in which I replace all personal pronouns with pasta equivalents
-The ending montage of me eating pounds upon pounds of spaghetti, interspersed with shots of starving 3rd-world children

Lunch was Exposition.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Recapitulation
Scherzo
Cadenza

Big thanks to the cameraman who asked the most insightful question I've yet to hear in an interview - "what does Hospitaliano mean to *you*"? I'm still thinking this one over!

A special thanks to my dining companion, Kay!

Exposition

Exposition
Angel Hair delightfully sprinkled with Meatballs, uniquely coated in Meat Sauce
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It's important to not consider pastas on their own merits alone, but their part in the greater whole that is the meal. Granted, for most sane people, a meal only has one pasta in it, but let's ignore that for now. Consider this particular dish the theme upon which the rest of the day's food is a variation.

Pictured here is Exposition - a blank slate!

Recapitulation

Recapitulation
Whole Wheat Linguine garnished lavishly with Chicken Fritta, showered in Meat Sauce
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A restatement of the original theme, with slight variation. Those of you who know a thing or two about today's subject may be balking at the lack of a development pasta, but I must remind you that any and all development occurs after consumption of the pasta.

Pictured here is Recapitulation - have we seen this before, or something like it?

Scherzo

Scherzo
Five Cheese Marinara tastefully pumped chock-full of Italian Sausage, richly ensconced by a blanket of Fettuccine
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Italian for "little joke", this dish comes as a complete shock when presented in the conext of the meal at large - everything is different from what we've come to expect! There we were, enjoying stringllike noodles with a meaty tomato sauce, and the rug is thus pulled out from under us! And yet, this light playfulness does not detract from the gravity of the piece.

Pictured here is Scherzo - do you get it?

Cadenza

Cadenza
Meat Sauce tossed on a baseless basin of Angel Hair, festooned with Italian Sausage
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Gratuitious vocal self-indulgence was an art form long before Whitney Houston - composers of both music and pasta have made use of the cadenza, an improvised bit of virtuosic play, for centuries. There's nothing more gratuitous than italian sauage, of course, and do you see here how the exuberant and flashy use of freshly-sliced herbs stops just short of garish, and serves to accentuate the dish?

Pictured here is Cadenza - hold that last note!

Day 11

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Dining with children puts me in an awkward position. I understand that parenting is a difficult job - fortunately, thanks to my face being plastered all over the news as "the guy who's going to die in a diabetic coma in three weeks", nobody will risk procreating with me - and I am not the type of person who is irritated by children at a restaurant. I understand that kids will be kids, and will typically be unruly, loud, or otherwise unpleasant. It genuinely does not bother me.

But I can tell it bothers other people, and I'm nothing if not sensitive to the feelings of others, bordering on obsequious-ness. So what am I, as a non-parent, to do when my dining companions' children, adorable though they are, drag down the evening for everyone within screeching range?

Obviously, direct interaction with the parents or the children is impossible. One does not tell parents how to parent, for any number of reasons. All I could manage was a tired "sorry" smile to the diners near us and a large tip for our server. I honestly don't know what the etiquette is in this situation. Can anything be done at all?!

Lunch was The Classic.

Dinner was composed of three plates of pasta:

Orange Tide
School Lunch
Eighteen Dollar Entree

The above blog entry is entirely fictitious and is a theoretical essay only. On an unrelated note...

A special thanks to my dining companions, The Doll Family!

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