The Pastas

Brotini

Brotini
Chicken Pomodoro swathed in a cave, boy! A cave of Gluten Free Rotini
Comments

I'm really glad I don't have gluten sensitivity (and that no one else does either), because I've never had gluten-free pasta that didn't have the unsettling consistency of play-doh. I mean, it's better than having no pasta at all, but not by much.

Pictured here is Brotini - bruh.

Palfredo

Palfredo
Chicken Fritta sauced with Pesto Alfredo, enveloped by a handful of Rigatoni
Comments

Close up images of this sauce always make me a little nauseous, but it's so tasty that I can forgive it that, as long as it's not paired with italian sausage.

Pictured here is Palfredo - I ain't your buddy, pal!

Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess

Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess
Chicken Pomodoro hybridized with Rigatoni, heaped with Meatballs
Comments

So we're two for two on these meatballs being very, very off. We're also two for two on them not causing, at the least, *immediate* death. Will keep you all posted.

Pictured here is Nope, That's How It's Supposed To Taste, I Guess - huh.

Audible Moo

Audible Moo
Tri Colored Vegetable Penne richly heaped with Meatballs, drowning in Chicken Pomodoro
Comments

I'm not sure if the cows here in California are just more chill or fed on organic grass or something, but this meatball tasted notably different from the 60+ ones I ate last year. It was either very fresh or, more likely, dangerously undercooked. I guess I'll find out tomorrow, when I'm either dead or not dead. Wish me luck!

Pictured here is Audible Moo - 'course I heard of cows, there's a bunch of 'em right over there!

Betwixt

Betwixt
Pesto Alfredo set upon a hill of Rigatoni
Comments

In honor of my 25th day, I looked up synonyms for "halfway" in the thesaurus, and found this word, which is a lot of fun. This pasta is also super delicious, even without a topping. Pesto alfredo is so pretty ^_^

Pictured here is Betwixt - 24 more days to go.

Cordon Bleu

Cordon Bleu
Mezzaluna Ravioli impeccably coated in Chicken Pomodoro, hybridized with Chicken Meatballs
Comments

It's funny that such these staples of American-style cooking - meat, cheese, and just enough refined carbs to turn a meal into intestinal library paste - come together in an Italian-style dish with a French-style name. It's also delicious.

Pictured here is Cordon Bleu - ooh la la~

Pollo Loco

Pollo Loco
Chicken Pomodoro topped with Chicken Meatballs, impressively wrapped in a fistful of Tri Colored Vegetable Penne
Comments

Chicken on chicken?! It's a madhouse! Tricolored penne rounds out this dish and keeps it from being too heavy.

Pictured here is Pollo Loco - ole!

Stagnant Pond

Stagnant Pond
Pesto Alfredo tossed with Mezzaluna Ravioli
Comments

After enough time sitting out, the different specific densities of the ingredients which make up pesto alfredo sauce cause it to naturally split into its component elements. Oil pools on top of alfredo, alfredo slides uselessly off of the slick ravioli. It's simply a poorly thought out combination.

Pictured here is Stagnant Pond - I know it's not an attractive name, but it's not an attractive dish.

Gumby

Gumby
Chicken Pomodoro garishly blended with Chicken Meatballs, enveloped by a ball the size of a chihuahua's head of Rigatoni
Comments

Don't get me wrong, I love the chicken meatball topping. It tastes good and it has a fine calorie:protein:sodium ratio. That said, it is extremely obvious that they are frozen food and look like clay balls.

Pictured here is Gumby - if you've got a heart, then Chicken Meatball's a part of you!

Rice A Roni

Rice A Roni
Pesto Alfredo wrapped in a hill of Gluten Free Rotini
Comments

It felt important that I get the most San Francisco thing I could imagine, so I got a meatless, gluten-free dish that cost too much money. Maybe we can chalk this up to the city's love of wacky alternative fusion cuisine, but this looked and tasted absolutely horrible. It was like the chefs were punishing me for not going to a local indie flash-fired cupcake stand instead of the chain restaurant they were forced to work at until Google bought their startup companies.

Pictured here is Rice A Roni - lmao at that giant dollop of pesto, though.

Trypophobia

Trypophobia
Rigatoni merged with Asiago Garlic Alfredo
Comments

Does this pasta make you uneasy? If so, and it's not just because you don't like garlic, you may have Typophobia, a fear of irregularly-patterned holes. Why Olive Garden decided to include such an obviously triggering dish in their menu is anyone's guess, but I think a tastefully done Tumblr campaign against them might be just the wake-up call they need to be more sensitive to the differently abled.

Pictured here is Trypophobia - eurgh.

Raviocean

Raviocean
Mezzaluna Ravioli richly swimming in Asiago Garlic Alfredo
Comments

Please follow this guided meditation...
Close your eyes. Breathe deeply. You are floating above an endless sea of alfredo sauce. It is warm, it is inviting. Ravioli peeks up here and there, but as far as you can see is nothing but alfredo. You slowly begin to descend into this infinite pool. The tip of your nose lightly kisses the surface of the sauce, and you continue to sink. You feel the sauce touch, and soon cover, your face, your chest, your legs. Soon you are entirely submerged. You are never going to escape. You do not wish to. This is where you belong. This is home.

Pictured here is Raviocean - I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that they went a little heavy on the sauce.

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