The Pastas

13/50

13/50
Marinara placed upon a fistful of Spaghetti
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Not Quite Jumbo

Not Quite Jumbo
Asiago Garlic Alfredo heaped with Shrimp Fritta, ensconced by a deep dish of Spaghetti
Comments

Allison was very unimpressed with the size of the toppings on this pasta. "They're so tiny!"

"Well," I ventured cautiously, "they are shrimp."

She did not dignify that with a response, but she did finish the dish, so it must've been pretty good otherwise.

12/50

12/50
Spaghetti fused with Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Apparently, Not Worth Finishing

Apparently, Not Worth Finishing
Marinara thought-provokingly merged with Rigatoni
Comments

This name could have been given to about half the pastas I see my dates eat, but Chelsea really made a point about it. The rigatoni was not able to maintain a hold on the sauce, and consequently the dining experience was notably dry and lackluster.

11/50

11/50
Spaghetti mixed with Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Meat Blanket

Meat Blanket
Meat Sauce joined with Fettuccine
Comments

Nominated for second-most unsettling two-word combination (after "puppy enema") this is actually a filling combination with a good balance of macronutrients. Solid option! Try not to think about puppy enemas while eating, btw.

10/50

10/50
Spaghetti smeared with Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Two Cows

Two Cows
Cavatappi skillfully accompanied by Asiago Garlic Alfredo, adorned with Meatballs
Comments

Two cows are standing in a field (of cavatappi). One says to the other, "Hey, you worried about that Mad Cow Disease going around?"

The other one scoffs. "Why should I be? I'm a squirrel."

9/50

9/50
Marinara uniquely settled on a ball the size of a chihuahua's head of Spaghetti
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Shrimpy Night

Shrimpy Night
Shrimp Fritta garishly covered in Creamy Mushroom, swaddled in a handful of Spaghetti
Comments

The cool color palette and burning spirals of shrimp in this dish immediately evoke the foxglove-hazed world of Van Gogh's most beloved by college freshmen painting, The Starry Night. And if you don't see it, you're the uncultured one.

8/50

8/50
Spaghetti covered in Marinara
Comments

This pasta review is currently under construction. Sorry for the delay, I promise it will be worth the wait.

Event Horizon

Event Horizon
Rigatoni mixed with Five Cheese Marinara
Comments

Imagine a ring of cheese so dense, so packed with cholesterol, that light cannot escape its gooey center. What appears to be a normal pasta transcends into a physical phenomena beyond science's ability to explain. Also, it comes with soup.

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